crunch time

So push time is over. now it's it's shove time. I still have 4 tests to do this semester and two projects. One of the tests is a "midterm" on the last day, but we don't have a final for that class, though, yeah, we obviously do. I slacked a bit on this last wave of midterms. My scores weren't as high as they had been in previous tests, but still decent nonetheless. I don't think I've crashed or burned in any of my courses, but we'll have to see. I have two midterms whose grades are still TBA and they may very well affect my final grades. I would love to get a 4.0 but as long as I make Dean's List I'll be happy. If I play my cards right and don't mess up next year, I could graduate Sigma Cum Laude (3.7 GPA or up) though Magna Cum Laude (3.9+) looks out of reach. I'd have to get a perfect 4.0 until I graduate, which might be possible, but I'm not gonna fret over it too much.

Still don't know what I'm doing this summer. I'd have to wait about a month to get a word from the lab in Cali, so I'm still not sure what I'm gonna do. I mean, I know I have a good job here. It won't pay much, but it will still be good work. On the other hand there's this flashy new car called an Engineering Internship waving itself in my face and I can't help but be tempted. Dave said he would give me a rec letter regardless, but I don't know what to freakin' do. My rationale says to just stay here and play it safe, but my oft-ignored wild child says to take the plunge and go to Cali. I mean, what can happen in 10 weeks?

The answer: Everything

I wish I had more time to video games. I bought Mario kart for the Wii, and that looks like it's gonna be a lot of fun. Kinda easy, but fun nevertheless. Plus I still have to work on unlocking things in Brawl, opening new levels on SSX Blur (I bought it for my mom last week because she likes the snowboarding levels and like the PS2 version we played a long time ago), and I need to keep up on my Guitar hero status. But, alas, no time!

I have a project using MATLAB due on Friday that I admittedly haven't started on. We've known about it for a couple weeks now, but I've been preoccupied with midterms, and now this summer debate, that I'm barely getting to it. It doesn't look like it'll be too hard, but it's still gonna be time consuming. I need to get my lab reports back from the TA.

For what it's worth, this last week was pretty good. Saw a few movies, and I bought Crash, which is definitely one of my faves as of late. Got to hang out with Alice- that was fun, we need to hang out more often. Brent almost made me go spastic on him, all in goofy fun. And I was a total dumbass at Target when I couldn't help but admire how, um, well... developed... the cashier was. She looked like 18 or so. I felt stupid, but oddly proud of myself. I'M STRAIGHT! YAY! Not that, you know, there's anything wrong with not being straight, just it made me feel a little better about myself, which I don't think I do often enough.

sex

Got your attention, didn't it?

Geez, I don't even think I've even used that word in a blog since senior year of high senior, when I had to rename my blog appropriately since I wrote it all the time in the school library. Let's check... ok I've used it twice, but it just goes to show how mum it is.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but it always seems like the college "norm" is to go to big parties, get wasted off your ass, have some kind of wild encounter (and hopefully remember it) and hope that you don't get a phone call/ have to make that phone call six weeks later.

Long story short, a friend of mine said he may have gotten some girl pregnant. I didn't even know he was active. He says it isn't a serious relationship, more of a FWB case, but I don't know, it just got me thinking about how, well, single I am. I've never even been on a real date. Junior prom in high school was more of her giving me a ride to and from, although I did have the typical awkward conversation with the father (although it was more of a math interrogation). I don't know, I mean I'm pretty sure I'm, well, aroused by the opposite persuasion, but seeing as it's taken so long for me to find out, I'm starting to wonder.

***

Apparently my third cousin died in a car crash last weekend up in Tucson. I didn't even know I had a third cousin. He was my age and all. From my dad's side of the family. I admit I lost touch with them once my paternal grandfather, my tata, died. We would always play cards, and he would always joke about how you can't spell Taco Bell without c-a-t. So I don't even know if they already had the service or not.

***

I have no clue what I'm doing for this summer. I've been getting calls to have an internship in Cali at some big laboratory and work on cool stuff. Plus it's Engineering cred, so I was hoping I could apply some stuff and see if I really wanted to apply to grad school for math and/or engineering. But I have a commitment here with Dave. I went and saw him about it earlier today. He says if I don't get the thing in CA I can still come and work for him as originally planned. Dave is awesome.

***

I just feel very lost and don't know what to say or do. Brent's facebook picture the other day said it quite well. I wish I could draw.

Bad Karma

This has not been my week. Mishaps left and right. Forgetting people's names. Gah. I'm in a downward spiral.

I basically had to do the entire lab report for my AME class all by myself. My lab partner went AWOL on me last night, leaving me to do most of the work. Perhaps we could've worked on it right now and got it finished in time, but I didn't feel like waiting. I hate to wait. If something doesn't get finished on time, I feel like it's my job to fix it. So I was up late, working on the paper. 20 pages of graphs, rewritten directions, and notations. What fun! Last night when I hadn't heard from him I was more concerned than upset, but this morning I was just downright mad.

And so I am completely exhausted. I think I'm gonna go find a place to sleep here on campus.

My bad luck also extended to the family this morning- my aunt's car wouldn't start. My flash drive won't run on my computer. My mom's gift for her boss was in limbo. Plus she couldn't find her car keys so she dropped me off here at school and took my car to work. So I'm stuck. In the desert. With a horse with no name. So I named him George.

Whoever's dusting bad juju on us- STOP IT!

Less definite

Don't know why, but lately it seems as if my grasp with reality has weakened. Like last week, I'm leaving to go to school, get on the main road, make a couple of turns, and then blink. Then out of nowhere I just think, "Oh, I'm driving a car." as I open my eyes. I mean yes I remember all the events leading up to it, but it was almost as if that one blink somehow made a time division to me. Not everything is so discrete, mind you, but it just feels like I could blink at any moment and when I open my eyes, I am someone entirely different living a completely different life. I just hope nobody tries to brainwash me, for it would probably work.

School's going OK. Grades are pretty good. If I'm lucky I might be able to pull off a 4.0, we'll see. I have two midterms next week, both of which I need to do really well on. Registered for fall classes, talked with my summer program prof. (Nice guy, but there ain't a lot of structure at the moment). Fiddle still on my guitar- I now know like 10 chords!

I think I am somehow degenerating in age. Lately I just feel real immature and like a big jerk. Watching cartoons. Slacking off homework. I don't know. Feels like I lost the rigor that high school prepared me with, and now I just do everything on the fly. Granted, half of what I did in high school was out of my butt, but at least it was good stuff. Now I try and ad hoc something and it just lies in a big stink wad.

I want a girlfriend. Bad.