So for the past week I have had a one-track mind. No, literally, one song is all that has been in my head for almost a week now. As I like the song and own it I have no problem, but I admit it is a little obsessive. I listened to only this one song over the course of three hours. Nonstop. Repeating.
The song: Stranger Things Have Happened by Foo Fighters. I have a video of it on my MySpace. I don't know why, maybe it's the fact that I'm trying to learn how to play it, maybe it's the words, maybe it's the acoustic guitar riff that haunts me in a good way. I don't know. All I know is it's the only song I can think of at the moment.
There's this one line in this chorus where Dave Grohl is singing his heart out:
I am not alone, dear lonely missI forgot that I remember this, ohStranger, stranger, stranger things have happened, I know
At first I thought he said "I am not alone, dear loneliness" and I personally like that line better. While there is another woman in the song, this misheard line strikes me even more, and I tend to sing it this way. It has more meaning for me this way.
After all, I AM not alone. I just wish I didn't have to remind myself all the time. I have awesome, amazing, brilliant friends; I have a loving, caring family who (for the most part) I get along with; and yet, I feel lonely all the time. Maybe it's the constant reminder of all my friends and their significant others, some of whom I happened to introduce to each other. And yet here I stand. Or sit. Or lay staring at the ceiling, with nobody. Maybe it's just my views, the way I was brought up, but last night at the concert brought up a lot of mixed reactions. And that song.
So I went to the annual KFMA day concert on Friday. It was my first time, and I was pretty excited. Metallica was the main act, plus a bunch of new bands that they play on the radio. Two of them sucked. One was cool, and one was awesome. (Apocalyptica, yeah!!) But with the massive crowd (I had heard 25,000) and everyone wanting to get upfront to see Metallica, things started getting out of hand.
Granted, this was after all a heavy-metal concert. People were drunk off their asses. Some were puking and then drinking more. There was a huge cloud of dust, cigarette smoke, and pot that filled the air, and I was honestly uncomfortable. I was with a few people, and they helped me see it through, but this was something that I wholly doubt I'd have gone to all by myself. People started getting into fights, and women began standing on top of their bras and being exhibitions while sitting atop their boyfriends' shoulders. Drunk and excited, all the guys began encouraging it more, and needless to say some women obliged. Everyone starts pulling out their cameras and their cell phones, and I was just distraught over the whole ordeal. I couldn't force myself to see the ladies taking off their tops (Ok, maybe a couple peeks) but I still felt very ashamed about what I was looking at that now everybody would post and show off to their friends.
Maybe I respect women too much. I don't know. Maybe I'm afraid of women. I don't know. But a true relationship is something that is meant to be treasured, not just fun one or two nights a week. I'm not saying I want to abstain until marriage, but it has to be something meaningful and not just a parade of flesh. There's that new chick flick with that guy from Grey's Anatomy where he says on the preview that he's Mr. Right, just not Mr. right now, and that's how I feel I am. I'm not gonna win any hot bod contests anytime soon, I know. But I just hope that I can find a person who likes me for who I am, and also for what I'm not.
I wrote a short poem last year about the person I yearn for is also yearning for someone like me, but we're too afraid to do anything about it. So we wait in separate rooms living separate lives. But I don't know how to take the plunge. I don't even know how to swim. So I took a chance and went to the concert, and what do I find? A bunch of drunken people who only want the party to continue. This one girl punched me in the back, and when I turned around she was about to kiss me on the cheek. She was a short little thing, so fortunately she couldn't reach. She wanted me to save her spot in the crowd (like that's gonna happen!) and all I could say was "I can try". Frustrated, she's just like, "No, it's easy. You just shove people around like THIS" and started doing so. Then she left, and everyone was glad she was gone. I saw a lot of parents staring to grab their kids and take them home once thins started getting crazy. I don't think I'd take my kids EVER to a metal concert, nor let them go until they were 18 at infimum.
Moral of the story- I suck at finding people. Help.
Oh, and they did not have anything planned for getting traffic out. It took me 3 hours to finally leave the fairgrounds. And people were drunk and angry to start with, let alone have to wait for such a long time. I just let my Foo Fighters song play, and remind myself that I wasn't alone. Even when my phone died, and that thing is like a security blanket for me. I was a nervous wreck, and yesterday was the first time I ever drove on the freeway (yay?!) but I finally got home.
And find out that my mom had gone to find me since I wasn't picking up my phone since it was dead. She found her way home a little while later, fortunately. I love my mom. Just not in an Oedipus way.
