thinking

hmm.

I should go to sleep.
I got a 99 on the physics test I was freaking out over, but afterwards I was thinking, "Holy crap! Was THAT easy!". Then I look and see the average was a 65. WHAT?! And they get to go to lecture!
I wish I had a day where no one would talk to me and I could do whatever I felt like.
I have work tomorrow. Oh yay! How fun!
I want to listen to Chevelle.
Somedays I don't want to be a math major anymore. Somedays I don't want to be an Engineering major anymore. Somedays I don't want to get a major in anything.
It seems like school is just a way to postpone work you're going to hate for the rest of your life anyways.
I hate it when people push the button to cross the street, but then cross before the light goes, so I feel bad for the driver that has to stop to a red light that no one is crossing.
I should send in a PostSecret.
I don't have much homework this week, bu it still feels like a lot.
I should clean my room.
I want to single handedly return the subjective speaker to poetry.
I really should go to sleep.
I don't seem to be going anywhere. ever.
I should at least get a State ID. Why am I so afraid to learn to drive? I think it's a self-esteem issue.
I hate peeing.

medium

so I had a rather important English essay due this week. It's only like 10% of the total grade, but so date we've only established like 27% of the total grade. So I had a premonition that I would end up ditching chem in order to finish my essay.

What do you know? I was right! I must admit, the circumstances were quite different than what I expected. The night before, I DID finish it. All almost 4 pages of literary insight and glory.

Then, this morning, as I was proofreading, I discovered two blatant errors:

-my margins were inconstistant!
-I HAD THE WRONG TITLE OF MY SUBJECT POEM WRITTEN DOWN! EVERY TIME!

fortunately, I had emailed the copy to myself in the event of such a travesty. So I rushed to the computer lab and, 20 minutes later, all was good and new! Granted, I wasted 40 cents on printing, but it's a prepaid card anyway.

And my schedule is tentatively up for spring. I got planned:

9 AM MWF MATH 446 Number Theory
10 AM MWF SIE 305 Engineering Probability and Statistics
11 AM MWF AME 302 Numerical Analysis (just math)
12 PM MWF MSE 331R Engineering Fundamentals of Materials
1 PM MWF MATH 323 Analysis and Introductory Proof
4-6 PM M, 3-5 PM F ABE 320 Intro to Computer Aided Design
2-5 PM T MSE 331L Lab for 331R

So no Thursdays! YAY!
7 hours of classes on Mondays and Fridays! BOO!
Maybe I can only take 12 units (4 classes) senior year! YAY!

listing

damn, I need to figure out my priorities. family, friends, school, my own well being, etc. I just don't get this semester. The work, overall, is easy, and yet it takes up so much time that I have little left for everything else, and then when I devote myself to any one field, the others all suffer. I wish there were some happy medium without being overly critical and scheduled. I want to hang out with friends. I want to get A's. I don't want to feel pointless and stupid for not going to parties on friday nights. I feel obligated to spend time with my mom. I feel obligated to get good grades. I feel obligated to be the sober one. I'm fucking tired of feeling like I have to do anything. Where is what I WANT to do? I want to sleep and not go to any of my classes tomorrow. I want to figure out how I'm going to start practicing for Grad School, filling out Applications (I didn't get into Exxon. They already sent me the letter), and doing all my homework and earning money so I don't have to take out loans and let my family know that I still love them without actually having to do stuff with them almost every friggin day. I want to make the world stop so I can truly appreciate the moment without racing in and out of it to a vague unknown finish line. I want everything to make sense, fall in, and knw what the hell I'll be doing in 5, 10, 30 years, who I'm supposed to marry, how I'm supposed to die. I want to know fate. I want fate to exist. I want something, like usual, that I can't have.

Sorry for the rant.

I be dumb

I am kicking myself in my head right now. I'm quite silly sometimes. Silly or clueless, I'm not sure. Long story short, I took a practive GRE test. It's basically the same as the SAT, but you feel stupider afterwards. All I can say is I'm glad it was a practice test and not the real thing. two reasons why:

1. I can't bubble the right answer. The practice test is pencil/paper, so this won't happen on the actual thing fortunately. but still, when the ONLY AVAILABLE choices are A, B, C, and D. Don't pencil in E by mistake. I did this three times. GAH!

2. I can't read/follow directions past the first page. Question number one, it says it's an antonym question, I get it right. next page, same presentation, but since I don't see the word antonym anymore, I assume they want the synonym.

Sad thing is, I got half of 'em right!

I've always hated vocab. It's what did me in for National Merit. I slaved all summer before senior year on vocab, only to raise my score by like 60 points. But I was still happy, and it was enough to get into MIT, so I should be content. But I mean they use words I've NEVER seen before. Like Jejune. How the hell am I supposed to know it means the opposite of 'mature'? Sounds French.

Maybe it was a good thing they didn't do a sample essay, cause I would've bombed that probably, as well. But this is a lesson to be learned. Namely, don't try and take the GRE on a Sunday.

math

Insert giddyness.

the scheduling blues

well, I know I got an A in my Java test. That made me happy. But I still don't think I should been docked half credit just because I didn't put in my semi colons at the end. After all, it did say a fragment of code. As for my chem test, all I know was that the class average was a mid C. Hopefully I did better than that, but purely multiple choice tests scare me like that. Like the old SAT. Geesh. And I have no idea on my math test, though I hear most people didn't finish.

But now that this semester's almost half over, I get to worry about next semester. yay. how fun. The list of classes is up now, but I've got some serious issues with availability. Most importantly, I can't take a whole lot of Engineering courses. It sucks cuz now I won't be a semester ahead anymore. They're making me wait until next fall to take all the important classes with everyone else, and I see the relevance of that, but it really bogs down people who are trying to get ahead. Plus I just got an email from my advisor saying that I still have no be enrolled in at least 3 upper division Engineering classes. I think I'm okay because one of the classes I'm planning to take has the lab set up separately, so it's like I'm signing up for two different classes along with a math class in disguise. As for the rest of the classes, time becomes an important issue.

For now, I have my schedule set up as follows:
(3 units) MATH 323 (proofs) MWF 10-11
(4 units) AME 302 (numerical analysis- the math in disguise class) MTWF 11-12
(3 units) MSE 331 R (properties of materials) MWF 12-1
(1 unit) MSE 331 L (lab for said class above) T 2-5
(3 units) MATH 464 (probability theory) MWF 2-3
(3 units) MATH 410 (matrix theory AKA scary numbers in boxes REDUX) MWF 3-4
Total: 17 units and no job.

The best thing about this schedule is what's missing. What's missing? Thursdays! I'd have absolutely no class on Thursday! That would let me meet up with advisors, go to study groups, and, most importantly, sleep in!

But the bad thing is clearly the 5 hours of class on MWF. Granted, I used to eat this for lunch in high school. Zero hour. Roberts. Enough said. But with college and without that distinct sense of structure, that sense of your-teachers-will-know-if-you-ditched, it's become a lot more tiring. Last semester I was at school from 8-5, 6 hours of lecture, and let me tell you it was no cakewalk. But that was only twice a week. But things are a little different now. People are a little different now. But that's the way it goes. Sigh.

And because of all my scheduling conflicts, it looks like I'm gonna have to give up on my quest for an Econ or a Physics minor. They simply don't fit in anywhere. Nor are they offered during winter break. And I'm really trying to get a job this upcoming summer instead of class. So yeah. Reality bites. Dreams rule.