I hate being angry.

I'm just trying to find the best way to let you down. Should I do it all at once, or one layer at a time? Either way, I'm sorry.

I don't know how to give that up for Lent, but I'm gonna try it if it kills me. Maybe it should.

They put a new app on the WiiU that lets you use Google Earth really easily. I looked up the house I grew up in, and I just broke down. I took a walk to the church, my kindergarten, and, lastly, the cemetery. You can see Andrew's grave, but it's too hard to see Grandpa James'. The only things of his I have are his old dining chair and his green baseball cap. That hat is on my list of "things I would grab and run out of the house with if I could only take two things with me."The other is my Nana's cross. I don't know where it came from, but it hangs in my living room, watching over.

These past four months have been a struggle. This past year has been a struggle. It just feels like everything is falling apart around me and I have absolutely no clue what to do.

Your mom did not work two to three jobs just so you could become a teacher earning 30 grand. You're gonna get your PhD, you're gonna get married, have kids, buy a house, DO EVERY FUCKING PERFECT HING. Because she wants you to. Because she needs you to.

I don't know how to put this: I can't. And I'm sorry. I'm not mad at her. How can I be? She's given me everything. And now I'm here sobbing my eyes out, still terrified as heck to even make a phone call most days, a failure in most definitions.

I just wish my mom had a better son, one who could take her on vacation, one who could let her retire, one who actually knew a thing about being a man.

When my mom took me to see "The Land Before Time" I ran out of the theater crying when Little Foot's mother died, because I wouldn't know what to do if my mother died. I'm here trying to set a good example for people who are no longer alive, and all I'm gonna do is disappoint them. 

Fact is, I've already let everyone down. It's just a matter of time before they realize it. I'm not your child prodigy. I'm not your breadwinner. I'm not your last of the family line who will prosper for future generations.

Maybe I should give up trying to pretend.