The questions arises...again. Do I want to go to the U of A? If it were my choice, I'd give a straightforward no. But it's not just my life I'm living.
Ever since I was little. mom's been yearning for the day when I would be the first of our family to go to a traditional college and get a degree in stuff. And now with the thought of me going far away, it's bothersome for her. I understand, maybe.
Mom wants me to stay here sooooo badly. It does get to me. I nreally don't giev a crap about the sports teams, whether they win or lose, but I feel like I'll need to care if I go to the UofA. And I know that's not true, but I anticipate that mom will be nagging at me to go and see every game just cuz we'll have a discount. Bummer.
Went to the UofA on Saturday to go to the Science Senior thing. It was pretty cool. The math nerd did not go and investigate the math depeartment. Hypocrisy, anyone? Nah. I went to check out the astronomy and the physics stuff.
We went to the Mirror lab, where they were builiding these 8 meter long lenses for the telescopes. It was pretty massive. They were surprised when I figured out that an 8 meter circle was amillion times bigger than an 8 mm circle (roughly the size of the human eyes). And it was pretty sweet. The warehouse was really tall, and I have an aversion to heights- blame it on my lack of balance- so I felt queasy yet awestruck, in a good way.
At the physics thing, they gave us strawberry ice cream and talked about black holes, crabon dating, and traction beams. The last thing I didn't really get or was interested in, so at the end the guy lecturing us asks us what European coubntry he was from. I guessed Luxembourg. Why? I don't know. But he was Dutch.
Apparently Mauney was having some campiagn at the U simultaneously. While the science people were having a lunch break, Evan Arthur shows up rather suddenly. He didn't sign up, but they gave him the whole routine- brochures and stuff- and then I tagged along behind him and saw the molecular and cellular biology labs. They're messing with frogs genes. Now bio is cool, but iti doesn't float my boat.
Evan and I played DDR undergound and air hockeyed for 5 minutes before anyone scored. We tried to figure out the coefficient of friction once the timer ran out and the air stopped blowing, but we didn't have calculators.
I got that new John Stewart book about the US,
America, the book at the bookstore. It's funny.
The UofA isn't bad, per se, but I just feel like I'd get lost. It might not feel as big as it used to, but it stills feel foreign. That's not saying that MIT or Rice or something will be right for me, though. So the question is am I willing to give up the decent prize before me and go for what's behind the curtain. Monty, I don't know. Let's make a deal. If I go to the UofA, it's because I want to and not because I feel obllgated to. I won't feel bad about being afraid to try new things and look from a different perspective. Cause if I just stay here, I'll feel like an unadventurous loser. And I go, I might be an explorer, but then I might be completely miserable. Guess I just hafta wait until April to make up my mind. I've applied for the Flinn wth the mindset that I won't get it. I don't want it, so if I don't that gives mom less incentive to stay here. But I don't know, it's hard.
dangit I've got English journals to do.
