the battle rages on

To clarify:

if you're reading this from facebook, you're reading an import from my regular blog. It's on my links. so you can go back all the way to the summer after sophmore year of high school. God, that's like almost 4 years... I feel old. I'd rather you take the effort to comment to the regular blog if'n you want to remark on something, but if you're lazy, then I totally understand.

And now, the rest of the story.

I'm pooped. I've been spending the past week with little sleep, high stress and anxiety, and now I've got antibiotics to show it all off. Yippee! I guess you could say this week was just sucky overall. some weeks are like that, but it's not like I didn't help perpetuate my own downfall.

I finally bought God of War for the Ps2, and damn I've already spent a lot of time on that. It's a little extreme in terms of the blood of stuff, but it has its comical moments, and those are the ones I treasure. Like in level 3 when there's a bridge that is down, and you can't jump across, and there's this little wimp of a guy on the other side next to the lever that would activate the bridge, so you ask him to pull the lever, and he's all like "NO WAY, man! I'm not gonna die today! You can forget it." So you throw a tunhderbolt at him (cuz Zeus are you are homies) and as he gets burned, his body falls on top of the lever, activating it and letting you cross the bridge safely. I've spent way too much time. Probably a bad move on my part.

But I needed a stress reliever this week. I had one of my first adult situations, being in the middle of the job fair and having absolutely no clue what to do. I dropped off my resume, though it's still pretty empty, at probably 20,25 booths over both days (I went both days). Plus I have to go and submit to all the company websites themselves. I already got an email to set up an interview with Exxon-Mobil, and while I don't have any symantics about it, it would definitely be a cool experience. There was an Aerospace compnay from denver that said they'd pay for transportation and housing for the entire X week program. sweetness. And I might have a connection with IBM. It helps to go to friends' birthday parties :P

But now, ugh, I'm sick. Cursed immune system. zach's sick, too. Not sure who gave it to whom, or how the hell it happened, but being so tired you miss your classes is not a good thing. And next week is hectic, as well. On Monday I have a meeting with my English teacher on Monday at Bentley's coffee house during when we'd normally have group lecture to discuss my submissions and my essay that I NEED TO START that's due next friday. Only like 1500 words, not too bad. Ari's cool. she dyed her hair bleach blonde with spikes. Then I have 3 tests: math on Thursday, and chem AND compsci on Friday. Granted, it's just basic Java, but it's like learning a new tongue for me. I'm getting like 90 modulus of the stuff, but I wish I had more patience || that the asignments didn't take so long.

conflicted

Now is very weird.

No one blogs anymore. It's as if its passed along the ways of Windows Me or the Walkman. The only person I can tell reads this anymore is myself and Alice (I'd totally be up for lunch sometime this week!) or Shauna. So sometimes as a whole it feels quiant and pointless to blog. But I still do it. I know Elise went to a different blog. Most people have just stopped. Ugh. Do I, as well? But this is my creation, all the things that sum up me over the course of 3 years! How else could I account for my adventures at MIT, my inner struggles to decide to stay here in Tucson, the untangling of chaos that is life? You can't just ignore it like an old pair of pants thta don't fit anymore, it is still living, breathing. It has a soul- your own. I guess I could note it up on Facebook, that way more people could know, but most people don't care about blogs or "notes" anymore. It's like a social stigma, almost. Plus I have my Myspace blog, mostly because more people read that one. It feels good knowing that other people are interested in what you say. But I don't want to give up just yet.

And then, sigh....

Ok there's a moth on my window... Shoo!

Where was I? Oh yeah, I think [deleted] I shouldn't. enough said. God, I must be stupid. Yeah, share your dilemma with the whole world. Then they'll beat you back in to sense. No, this is somethign you only tell Psychologists in your sleep. I've said too much. I should just delete this paragraph, but part of me wants to toss it in the air just to see what happens and the other part of me is reason. Don't mess everything up, it says. It can only lead to disaster, especially for you and everyone else.

It's interesting what you share to people who may or may not be there. Like Postsecret, except my name's on the top.

the rat race

First of all, as an employee at the University of Arizona, I can't say bad things about it. I'm unsure to what extent they meant, though. After all, the paper I signed saying I wouldn't slander was headed by the Department of Homeland Security or something, so they're more worried about bigger things. I don't know. But let's just say I had a heck of a lot of walking today, and I didn't emjoy it.

As you may or may not know, I've been trying to adjust my schedule from 18 units and a job. Naturally, this plan sucked, so I switched my Physics class (4 units of elective essentially) to an audit, which means I don't have to do any hw or take the tests, but I'm still on the class register. Obviously, I get no credit for this, but it doesn't show up on GPA as a 0.0 at all, which is good. But my mom was not pleased. Whaddya mean you won't get on the Dean's list? she says in a ever so calm voice. 14 units isn't enough, I say. Can't you add more? she desperately inquires. So I begin the search.

I email the professor who's teaching the regular version of the physics class I'm now auditing, and he says that I can earn credit for his class (which is at the same time as my math class so I couldn't sign up for it) independent study. Cool. Credits = dean's list. Mother will be pleased.

Long story short (after a lot of being directed which offices to go to), I print out the forms and see the professor this morning. He signs my papers, and tells me the first test is in 1 1/2 weeks. eep. Happily, I walk over to the Admin bldg so they can matriculate this new class. Late fees start Monday, and I don't have money to spare! I wait in line, and they tell me I'm taking too many units. In order to get the new class, I'd need permission from my college. But what about the audit class? That shouldn't count. True, they say, but you're still registered in the class even if yo're not gonna get a grade in it. Bugger. Ok thank you.

So I trot to the main Engineering bldg. Fortunately, getting someone to sign it was a piece of cake. Hooray for stamps! So off I go back to the Admin bldg. The bell for chem had rung, but today was just a review day. So Admin it was! I get back in line, and happiily hand over my form.

Um, that class doesn't exist....

What? But I got it from the professor this morning! Sorry but you need to go back down the the Physics department and ask them on what to do. Maybe they can add you from there. Ugh. Ok thank you.

Tra la la. I was quite emo on the way back to Physics. I sang one of my songs, quite possibly my most depressing one, but it made me feel better. So I guess it worked. ("I'm floating on an innertube face down in my kid's swimming pool") I finish as I enter Physics. Whaddya mean there's no class for it? It's right here on the wall. Oh, says the other lady in the office, but it's not on the schedule of classes. Did I miss one last April? Maybe I did. Sorry about that. I can get that up for you by 3 oclock. Ok, thank you. I didn't mind the wait. I had work and classes to not ditch. 3 comes, and at 4 I check the schedule of classes. It's there! That makes me happy.

I walk back into Admin. Ah, everything in order now? I sure hope so. Very well. clickety click. There you go. 20 units. You still have an outstanding balance. Don't forget to pay for your textbooks! Ok thank you!

And then I'm overexerting myself with English, but that's a different story. I work for easily 3, 4 hours on one poem assignment. I have one page filled up nicely. Then I see some people have 10 lines, each one 3.75 inches deep, cut off at the halfway point. Maybe I just think too much. But I like the class. And I need it if I'm gonna be a math major.