Brain Crash

So last week I finally finished my first year of graduate school. YAY! I still feel like a complete zombie. I was stressed out, spastic, overly frustrated, and downright stupid. My brain was gone (as evidenced by my Twitter) and marginally above margarine in intelligence.

So I think I got all B's. Grad school speaking, it's ok but not great. I genuinely felt lost during my finals. I just hope that this studying for my qualifying exam will help me finally button down everything.

I have not ruled out the possibility of applying to other grad schools once I get my masters. It's not that I'm unhappy here at AZ. I like it here. I just feel kinda lost in the background. How is it that a department with only 40 students still feels big to me? Also I just don't feel like I've found my "thing," the area of research that I would like to commit 4,5 years researching. I still have the 3rd semester research project, and maybe that will enliven my spirit, but after starting a term paper project which I thought at first would be awesome but ended up less than boring I just don't know if I'm ready for that kind of a commitment.

And having my family in town makes it better and worse. If I were to reapply and transfer, I'd essentially lose my two years of progress here and have to start again. At least I've been generally happy so far. Nowhere near financially independent, and often stressed, but overall happy. I had more breakdowns with Engineering than with math. I'm just tired of feeling wishy-washy.