Toast

I am burnt out. I got a C on my last assignment (which is pretty much the equivalent of an F in undergrad), and today's lecture on the eigenfunctions of non-self-adjoint operators went pretty much over my head. But there is only two weeks left, and then I can give myself a pat on the back. This first year is 95% over class wise. No time for breaking now.

I don't know why, but my motivation this past week has just disappeared and I don't know where it went. I woke up at 10:40 this morning and only by the magic of green traffic lights was I able to make it to class on time, although I had to pay to use the 6th Street Garage 4 bucks for going to ONE CLASS! I remember back in the day when they would charge a dollar an hour and only after the full hour had completed. Where is all the money going? To burnt out grad students like me.

I saw one of the post-docs I had met at orientation last year. She's nice, and has been asking me if I'm fully addicted to coffee yet. I conceded to the fact but said I was hooked on Dew because, seriously, I don't like coffee. I remember she said she lived way in Sierra Vista (no idea why), but she seems very cool and down to earth.

Just procrastinating here. Should be working on my mini-research project, but the prof is still out since his wife just had a baby. Good and bad. Not sure how much I care about the project anymore.

I think that might be the problem. I'm constantly asking myself "What am I doing here?" to which I answer "To work on my Master's". Master's. I have this defeatist attitude that I either don't or can't stay here. I look at the projects everybody is working on, but nothing stands out to me. I'm seriously considering retaking the Math GRE again in the Fall (Maybe I can actually study for it this time). This is all hypothetical at this point.

Maybe I just need a little vacation time away from math for a bit. Maybe a week or two after our presentations. Then maybe I'll feel better. I sure hope so, because I hate the way I feel about things right now.