The Next Day

[adult content warning]

So about 24 hours have passed since my last post, and the world hasn't caught on fire. A lot of bad stuff happened in the news, but maybe I was just feeling some tangent of the cosmic sadness if that's even a thing. I did force myself to masturbate to imagery of women, and it was successful. It's always been weird, like my subconscious is fighting that kind of imagery. I still think it's because of how I was always taught to respect women and so the thought of putting them in a compromising position is inherently wrong in my head. It honestly feels like a different part of my brain reacts depending on the stimuli. It's not bad, it's just different. And it's okay to be different. It's funny how a day can change your perspective on things. I'm still not comfortable talking about these things, hence resorting to a decade-old blog that I hope nobody still reads. But it's something I have to eventually agree to on my own terms.