a lot of things to think about

so i gather that more people read my myspace more than anything else, more than this, moe than my xanga which doesn't really count. it's seems stupid to post the same thing on two different blogsites, so i find myself wondering what to post where. I've already got a vent for my spur of the moment writings (not too hard to find- click around- still in the old place if you haven't looked there in a while) and my mySpace one just seems to be the more magnetic onen because that's the one that people might acually read. So maybe I'll turn this more into a "electronici post-it note" of sorts, not sure. All I know is I''m not happpy with the way thins are organized in my life and I need to rearrange them, feng shui them, throw some useless shit away and keep the rest of them, to be more comofortable.

I graded tests with Dave today. It was an interesting experience. I now know for sure that at least one of the students is cheating on the hw. Idunno, it just feeels weird that the fate of otehr people lie in my hands, my leniency, and I'm not at all down with that. There was one student's answer taht was just so blatantly wrong it struck me funny. I feel horrible for laughing like I did. I shouldn't be laughing at the fact that somebody doesn't get their differential equations and series. I felt good when I was giving away high marks, but when it came down to pity points I found myself struggling to write the numbers down. I know that I wouldn't want some guy I don't know that's not even a grad student and possibly the same age or younger than me looking at my test and possibly determining if I pass or fail. Nope.

And my mom knows that money is tight for me. I wasn't expecting to be nearly broke with a full scholarship AND a job. After January, I'll be at least one month's rent short since I'm not planning to work next semster (with 6 classes and 2 labs?! Of course not!). So my mom's been talking about alternatives for next year. From an economic, financial point of view, they make sense, from a college male's point of view they're hogwash. The way she says things is not exactly like how I hear them. For example:

Mom: You could move back in with me and save some money.
My interpretation: Not like you have a gf or anything, let alone a car.

Mom: Why would you want to live with a bunch of other boys?
My interpretation: You're not gay or something, are you?

Mom: Don't you want a sense of privacy?
M.i: I know what you do at night, and I disapprove. Plus you should've had sex already by now.

Mom: I'd pay half your rent if you moved into the same complex as I will.
M.i: Because I'm overprotective and have no friends.

So yeah. Plus there's the parallelism of when my mom was in my shoes. She left right after high school for Tucson, spent a couple years here, but then had to go back and live with her mom because her dad died and her mom wasn't able to work anymore. And I really don't want that in any sense to repeat. I spend so much time with my mom as it because A) I love her and B) she has no one else to spend time with. I mean she's practically adopted the stray cat that comes by once in a while. So yeah I'm worried about her. She doesn't take care of herself. Half the time I'm using my scholarship money to buy her meds for her. I feel like I'm predestined to become a member of the oreo generation, and it sucks. There was a reason why I never watched Everybody Loves Raymond.

I just tell myself to take it one week at a time, that things will straighten themselves out by week's end, but they don't. I've got a UTA presentation I haven't even started, a physics test, my English portfolio which is 70% of the entire semeter's grade, my chem lab report (and don't get me started on the previous lab report...), and to top it all off the silly connectfour hw for java. I'm almost done w/ it as it is, but i'll have no time for it this week. I hate time. I really hate time.