Drunk

Ok so I only had one beer and a single (but heavy) mixed drink.

I just wish I knew what I wanted out of a relationship. Or even if I want one. I seem perfectly complacent not giving a care until I'm all alone with nothing but my thoughts. That's when I get scared, thoughts scatter like the lyrics of a long forgotten song. SOMETHING is there but it has no definite shape.

I have difficulty sympathizing with others sometimes. I remember wondering if serial killers felt that same nothingness. Now older, that voice in my head that told me, "Don't pull the fire alarm, it will ruin everybody's day" is dead or quiet.

When I don't give a flying eff about anyone else,  that's when I'm happy. But then it doesn't feel like much of a life, per societal constructs and the perceptions of others.