Do I Has?

Grad school is apparently not going well. I'm doing fine in my classes, but what makes Grad School important is the research one does en route to a PhD. In that respect, I guess I am behind. I went to talk with the Program Head and he wants me to start a "Third Year Review" to make sure I'm on the right track.

Have I EVER been on the right track? I lay down my own track!

Chauvinism aside, I was supposed to have my Oral Comprehensive Exam by this semester. That's the thing that makes you an official PhD candidate once you pass it. It's not happening. Besides not filling out the paperwork since I wouldn't be able to adhere to them, I frankly don't feel like I've done any research to support said candidacy.

I've been attending meetings with a group in Biology stuff, of which my advisor is a part of, and have been reading up on stuff regarding Markov Chains, but I don't feel like it's "getting" anywhere.

My advisor sent me a few things to start looking over in preperation for this review thing. One of them included the dissertation from a former student. It's amazing! I only glanced through the whole thing, but the way everything builds up in just so impressive.

Then I asked myself, "Could I do something like this?" And my answer was, "No."

I don't have the motivation I need right now. I needed all the help from my friend Shauna just to gather up the strength to go talk to the Program Head. If not fir my current funding, I would seriously consider leaving. My family needs for me to have a actual job. I need me to know what it means to have an actual job.

I'm also growing downright envy towards the other students. They are passing on time, and are in relationships, and aren't uncool like me.