Hello, Darkness, My Old Friend...

Has it really been that long since I last blogged? Since I last spent time to think? That's scary. Of course, you have other facets. You have your youtube channel, but you can't really be yourself on there, can you? No. It's based on you, sure, but only the optimist exists over there.

You still don't have a clue what the hell you're doing. You never will. And, yet, it's ok. So what if all your friends are now married, or engaged, buying houses, and/or making lots of money? Except, now they don't have time for you anymore. So what can you do? Find new friends? You will never have friends like the ones you did back in high school. Except, now they've all gone, and even the ones still in town don't have time to hang out anymore.

I am gonna miss you guys so much. (reads last sentence) Whoa! That could be misinterpreted! I'm still here, not going anywhere. But maybe that's the problem.

I have now lived in Tucson longer than I ever lived in Douglas. Does that officially make Tucson my hometown? It just doesn't feel like it. I need to go clean grandpa's grave. Who knows what shape it is in now. No one takes care of things that don't move. Driving back from Carolyn's house made me realize one thing: this town is much too big for me now. I drove up to Ina so you could see the skyline. It almost made me sick. This isn't my town anymore. I don't know if it ever was. I am supposedly making progress on my PhD stuff, but the post-Masters honeymoon is over and I don't have a whole lot to show for it.

I need to find time to write again, like I used to, ten minutes at a time. In a book. With squares.

This is the last meaningful transplant post from my brief 50megs stint back in '03. I might have posted it here before; I honestly don't remember.

"Daisies"

Stormy weather 'midst the rain in June
Looking for love in the air only to have it hit me
Shake my head down to see a lite flower in bloom
Bend over to see, see if it could see something

Cuz it's been thru more strife here than I could e'er imagine
And yet it tries to spread its love
So I wanted to take back all of the rotten things
Before all the stale words leave me in crumbles

I'm Bewildered by the pain of a daisy
I'm bewildered and it's driving me crazy
All the clear things I thought now gone hazy
I'm bewildered by the pain of a daisy and I take a look again

It's all alone, always looking for a mate
Like he who hopes he's not the last man on the world
And to give it all, give it all, give it all away
To finally make this rain fell a little less colder

The blind admiration makes me think like ne'er b4
How there is only one for she though there's nothing but grass about
And all you can do is hunt or wait a little more
In time the one to be will come around

I'm Bewildered by the pain of a daisy
I'm bewildered and it's driving me crazy
All the clear things I thought now gone hazy
I'm bewildered by the pain of a daisy and I take a look again

I take a second look around
Another gaze upon the ground
To see it all from a different angle
Make this chaos less more untangled
Try and find a brand new route
Maybe go escape from the inside out
Wondering if I'm going crazy
And then I see two daisies

(Hey; not too bad)