That nagging feeling

Ok, at least nowadays I think this has become a place just for me. If I could send longer texts and post them as blogs, I totally would, but my phone isn't cool enough for that. I should get a new phone soon, but I don't need a new phone. I just want a phone that works. All the bells and whistles would just drain the battery. I would like a phone with a basic internet browser so I can read some text pages and maybe check my email? Videos, music library, etc. that stuff is all secondary. I want a telephone that can do some stuff, not a computer that lets me talk to people.

I think I'm at a mid-life crisis of sorts, at least in terms of grad school. I will be getting my Master's in December. But then what? I know I'm supposed to focus the next few years on research, but the thing is I haven't found anything that I would like to work on long-term. Of course, no one said that research was gonna be a walk in the park. It takes countless hours of reading, synthesizing, and experimenting in hops that MAYBE something new will pop out. It's not a guarantee. The thing is I feel like I'm completely lost in terms of research. I've done a few interesting things with some interesting people, but I don't feel like any of it would hold snuff as a dissertation. I've worked on three different projects, one involving fluid dynamics, one involving digital control systems, and one integrating statistics and anthropology, but throughout all of them I don't know if I ever felt that spark. I tried them out because I had hoped for one, but during my time on them I never really felt anything captivating.

So now I'm free for the summer and the only thing on my mind (besides moving to a new apartment) is what the heck I'm gonna do once school restarts. I only need a few more classes in terms of units, but then what am I supposed to fill the rest f my time with? Research, right? But about what?

I have seriously contemplated the idea of leaving after I get my Master's and then do some kind of work I could qualify for, like maybe teaching at Pima or MAYBE as a general instructor at a public college or university, but of course getting the PhD would open up a lot more possibilities. The question is: do have the time and energy to commit to something for the next few years? I've never tackled anything on that large a scale before. I'm not sure if I can. Of course, the only way to find out is to try, but dammit I'm tired of throwing caution to the wind.