Selfish?

So I think I'm about done with one of my grad school apps. For here, in mechanical. I did not receive any word that I also couldn't apply for Applied or Stats, so I'm thinking I'll do both. Plus there's Maryland, and maybe Cal.

But I am being selfish for wanting to go to grad school? A weird thought, I know, but hear me out. I had some friends over for Thanksgiving, and we got to talking about what we would all do after we graduate. I told them about my thoughts on Teach For America, and they seemed surprised. Seriously, why am I not looking into getting a Engineering job? My friend asked me what I would do with that money if I got an Engineering job. The first three things that popped into my head:

1. Pay off my mom's medical bills from her surgeries.
2. Pay off my aunt's loans so she doesn't have to gamble with the checkbook.
3. Pay off my cousin's school loans so he can move out of the house.

None of them were about me! Granted, they are, indirectly through my family, but nothing like go and spend extravagantly or nothing. Damn. What is wrong with me? So am I being selfish for wanting to cast myself off into the unknown, leaving my family behind? Sometimes I think so. Sometimes I think this is eerie similar to four years ago, when I was a phone call away from going to Rice or MIT. In a lot of ways I felt forced to stay here in Tucson, like it was never really my decision to start with. But am I glad I stayed? In many ways, yes. I got to spend one more year with my nana. I was able to help my mom through her surgeries. I have amazing friends, no debts, and a decent education.

In a lot of ways I find myself stuck in the middle of a situation. My folks have already told me that our family dynamic as a whole depends on my decision on where I go for grad school. Family = f(Mitch). If I go out of state, my aunt and cousin will move to Colorado. And my mom? I don't know. If I stay here, then more of the same. It feels like I've got more than my weight on my shoulders, but I've always been family-oriented. So I don't know. I'm just thinking.