trivial

I have a guitar hero tournament in a couple hours. If I don't win, then this last year will feel very wasted. If I do win, that means I can flick a little nodule very fast. So what? Sure, I'm good at it, but then I can think of a lot of other things that I could've been doing in the meantime. Bah. I think of all the things I haven't done that I should have done a long time ago, and it bums me out. I feel very... lagging behind everyone. You hone your skills for countless hours and for what, that brief moment of personal satisfaction before you realize that everything else around you is in ruins? There's that Modest Mouse song that says "If life's not beautiful without the pain well I'd just rather ever even see beauty again. As life gets longer, awful feels softer, and it feels pretty soft to me." And even if I did win, I'd still just be in the living room, playing video games on a Friday night. I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I never grew up. I still watch cartoons as if I were 10. I don't have my license. The last time I even danced with anybody was 3 years ago at junior prom. Something crucial is missing, and I have no idea what or where it is.