Shoulda, Wanna, Hafta?

sigh. I have like a few days left to declare and get it in the mail. sigh. Well at least everyone else knows where they're going. That's somewhat comforting and yet distressing, encouraging and yet dissapointing.

Now with MIT practically out of the question (They sent me another red tape email last night. They've only had a week to do something they said would take 2 days at the most. But whatever, my patience is string thin with them now.) my 3rd place spot felt lonely and sad. SO naturally I had to fill it in with Rochester. sigh.

Where I should go: Rochester.
Where I wanna go: Rice.
Where I hafta(?) go: U of A

My granny's putting me on a super guilt trip. If I leave, she says, then I won't be able to make it to her funeral which she'll naturally have only if I leave. And frankly she has a point. Mom was in the same situation, but her folks were mean to her and bickered a lot about stuff. So she left, came up here to Tucson, lived with a girl off of Oracle where they have the CVS pharmacy now or somewhere near that, and for a year she was fine on her own. But then her dad, my grampa James whom I'm partially named after, died and so she had to quit school, return to the town of empty dreams, and take care of my nana because she was too stubborn to wanna leave Douglas. And there she met all the get-nowhere men in her life, including a few boyfriends. But she's always said that she doesn't want the same to happen to me, as often is said, and yet I have some weird lurking feeling that it will be just like that, and that staying here would only facilitate the process.

Cause I'm Hispanic, dammit, and that's what you're supposed to do: be there for your family. I mean technically I'm the first in my family to go to a traditional 4 year college, and sigh why does this have to be so fucking hard?

At least Rochester cared.